I'm Fine
by xana4
Summary: The minute she walks out of his office, Kensi grabs her phone and calls Deeks. It's not like she can deny how much she needs him right now. "Kensi, where have you been? I'm at your door and I've been calling you for almost 20 minutes…" She starts crying then, happy that she at least made it to her car before she broke down. "I'm sick, Marty."
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

It starts with a cough in March.

Kensi wakes up in the middle of the night, coughing like crazy. She thought this cold was already cured but it seems like she was wrong. It's a dry cough that seems to scratch her throat, lungs and abdominal muscles.

She turns on the light and gets up, knowing she has to control this cough attack. Try as she might, the cough just won't stop. She tries water, sugar cubes, honey, her medicine…nothing works. 20 minutes later, she's still coughing and showing no signs of slowing down.

Giving up, Kensi grabs the phone and dials the first number she has on speed dial. His sleepy voice answers only after two rings. "This better be good because you know I need my beauty sleep."

It's not like she needs to say it because he can hear her cough but Kensi says it anyway. "I can't stop coughing. I think I might need to go to the hospital."

Just like that, Deeks is instantly awake. "I'll be there in 10 minutes, partner."

The doctor just gives her a new medication and sends her on her way. She ends up having a bad dry cough for two weeks but it eventually goes away, as usual.

Then there's a throat ache.

Deeks keeps an eye on her sometimes. It's no unusual of him. It's just one of those things he does. It's their thing.

Nope, there's no thing. Or at least he says there's no thing. Because, if it was up to her, she would have taken a step forward with this a long time ago. But he pushed her back before and now she's just no willing to try and lose their friendship along the way.

There are days in which she wants to take that chance, she wants to just kiss him and see what happens then. But she fights back, afraid of what that might lead to. It's ironic that, for the first time in her life, she's the one who's scared to take the first step.

But, back to the point, Deeks watches her. She often catches him looking at her, during the day, she sends him a small smile to show him that she's fine. However, even though the cough disappears into thin air, the pain that stays in her throat is strong and slightly hard to deal with.

She starts taking a pain killer every 6 hours without telling anyone. It's not like they need to know every single thing she does. But the truth is that when Deeks looks at her and she's in so much pain that she can't send him the usual smile, he knows something's wrong.

Deeks can be a very patient man when he wants to so he waits until the end of the day to talk to her about it.

Callen and Sam leave for the day and that leaves them both alone. "Okay, what's wrong with you? And don't tell me you're on your period because I have a calendar that says otherwise."

Kensi frowns. "You have a calendar to keep track of my period?"

Deeks gets up and walks to her desk. "No, calendars are too 2011. I have an app that keeps track of your periods. It's actually a pretty good one. I can give you the name if you want to. But, keeping on subject, what's wrong with you?"

Kensi knows there's really no point in lying so she doesn't even bother trying. "It's just a pain in my throat. It must be because of all that cough. But don't worry, I'm already on medication and I'll be fine."

Deeks doesn't push. "Okay, want to have dinner? I'm starving?"

She starts gathering her things to leave. "I would love to but I think solid food isn't on the menu for me tonight. Rain check?"

Deeks shakes his head and follows her to the car. "Give me 15 minutes to go grocery shopping and I'll make you the best chicken soup you've ever had. And I'll even buy ice cream for dessert, might be good if you have a sore throat. What do you say?"

Kensi pretends to think about it for a second before answering him. "Throw chocolate sauce into the mix and you've got a deal."

Deeks gets in his car right after he shouts. "I'll meet you there in 15 minutes."

And, for some reason, she has a feeling about tonight. It's neither a good nor a bad feeling. It's just a feeling that something is going to change tonight.

And it does. After a truly amazing chicken soup and ice cream with chocolate on top, Deeks kisses her. It's one of those kisses that come out of nowhere, a spur of the moment thing. Later, he'll say he only kissed her because she had chocolate on her lip, knowing that will still be a terrible excuse.

Kensi doesn't pull away and neither does he. The next morning, they wake up in her bed, their naked bodies tangled, and say it won't happen again. After all, they're still partners and they can't risk doing anything that will affect that.

Two weeks later and her pain finally goes away. That's when she feels _it _for the first time. She doesn't know what it is, but Kensi feels something pressing her trachea when she turns her head to the left. She touches her neck various times during the day, trying to feel something there but with no success. She does, however, succeed in making her partner worry once again.

When he asks her what's wrong, after work, she doesn't answer. Truth is, she doesn't know what's wrong.

Deeks coms over once again, bringing chicken soup and ice cream and a friendly ear to go with it. And she ends up blurting out that there's something on her neck, even though she knows she sounds crazy because the reality is that she feels nothing there.

Deeks tells her it's probably a sore muscle, nothing she should be that worried about. And, the morning after, he tells her that the fact they woke up naked in her bed again doesn't have to mean anything. And it doesn't. It's just sex.

Two days later, she stops feeling whatever she was feeling on her throat and celebrates it by calling Deeks and inviting him to come over. They both know what she wants, they both know how it's going to end. Still, Deeks goes to her house and she opens the door for him. It's just sex.

She has her period during 10 days after that which is crazy and not at all normal. It's not a good enough reason to send her to the doctor but it is a good enough reason to make her sit down and think that her body is trying to tell her something and that she's been ignoring it.

But it might be just her overreacting so Kensi ends up shrugging it off and carrying on with her life.

A few days later, she endures a sex-related injury. It's nothing serious but her right leg cramps up during their intimate moment and the ache doesn't go away for two days after that. It's like her entire leg is sore, even though she did nothing that bad.

Deeks tells her to see a doctor but there's no need for it. She's fine. Like always…

It's only when her voice changes, a good three months after that annoying cough, that Callen and Sam decide to step in. She comes to work with a hoarse voice one morning and they set her up for a doctor's appointment the next. It's for her own good because they know she would never go if they didn't make her do it.

The doctor examines her throat under Deeks' intense worried stare. They're not dating. They're no thing. They're partners with benefits. That doesn't mean he doesn't care. That doesn't mean he's not worried with all the changes and aches she's been experiencing lately.

The doctor says there's nothing wrong with her throat and that she'll be fine in a few days. And, three days later, her voice is back to normal and she rubs in their faces that she's fine, like she'd said all along.

In September, it starts hurting when she pees. Her bladder feels full all the time which is highly uncomfortable. Kensi is a woman so she knows a urinary infection when she sees one. This time, she goes to the doctor without anyone meddling.

The doctor prescribes her antibiotics and wants to run a few blood-tests, just routine ones to see if everything's okay with her. It's not because of the infection because she knows how she got that one. Let's just say she will never let Deeks do anything to her in the shower before she makes sure there's no soap in any part of his body.

Still, she does the tests and promises to come back a week later to get the results.

Deeks asks her if she wants him to tag along. Kensi states how ridiculous it would be to take him to hear the results of a simple blood-work. She's fine. There's nothing wrong with her, or so she tells him.

The doctor, however, has a different opinion. He sees something on her labs, a problem with her thyroid. He prescribes her a few pills and wants her to do an ultrasound, to see if everything's fine with her thyroid.

It is. It's a bit enlarged and he makes a quick diagnose. It's no big deal and she'll be fine as long as she takes those pills every morning.

"For how long?"

"For the rest of your life, most likely."

It's scary but not the end of the world.

The doctor asks to see her again in two months, to see if the pills are working.

Kensi decides not to tell Deeks. There's nothing to tell, really. She's fine and this is nothing. She doesn't need him to know.

So, for two months, everything stays the same. She takes her pills always behind his back, he stays over more times than not but they're still not dating.

She goes back to the doctors, after a new blood-work and an ultrasound. The blood-work brings great news. The pills are working and she doesn't even need to adjust the dose. The ultrasound, however…

"You have three nodules on your thyroid."

His words echo in her brain and Kensi stays silent for what feels like years before she manages to mutter. "Is it cancer?"

The doctor seems confident. "We need to run a few more tests."

The minute she walks out of his office, Kensi grabs her phone and calls Deeks. It's not like she can deny how much she needs him right now.

"Kensi, where have you been? I'm at your door and I've been calling you for almost 20 minutes…"

She starts crying then, happy that she at least made it to her car before she broke down. "I'm sick, Marty."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_His words echo in her brain and Kensi stays silent for what feels like years before she manages to mutter. "Is it cancer?"_

_The doctor seems confident. "We need to run a few more tests."_

_The minute she walks out of his office, Kensi grabs her phone and calls Deeks. It's not like she can deny how much she needs him right now._

"_Kensi, where have you been? I'm at your door and I've been calling you for almost 20 minutes…"_

_She starts crying then, happy that she at least made it to her car before she broke down. "I'm sick, Marty."_

She doesn't drive to her house. Causing and accident isn't a part of her plans. So Deeks meets her outside her doctor's office.

Her tears are gone by the time he arrives and the only trace of them are her red eyes. Deeks gets in the car and, between sobs and sharp intakes of breath, Kensi manages to blurt out every single thing that happened.

Deeks switches places with her and drives them both to her house. He can pick up his care later on or maybe even tomorrow. That's not important at the moment.

He doesn't make her chicken soup this time but forces her to eat a burger before bringing out the beers. It does nothing to calm her down and they both know the only way for her to relax will be to know what's happening with her body.

Deeks insists that it's not cancer. It can't be cancer. She's so young and that's the type of things it only happens to other people. But she shakes her head, too stubborn for her own good.

"Will you still stay by me side, even if it is cancer?"

They both know the meaning behind those words and what she's really asking. They're aware they're about to cross that invisible line that separates the physical from the emotional part in their relationship.

In all honesty, Deeks is not sure if that line ever existed in the first place. Their thing is too strong to be ignored. So his answer couldn't be different.

"I'll be by your side until we're both old and grey. I want to sit on our porch with you, watching our 30 grandkids playing. And probably our 11 dogs because Monty will eventually have his own kids and grandkids. Kensi, even if it is cancer, I'm not going anywhere."

She breaks down and, this time, he knows those are tears of joy, of relief, because they finally crossed that line. She sits on his lap, her head resting against his shoulder and cuddles like a little kid. It's sweet and he wraps his arms around her.

That night, even though they don't have sex, he sleeps with her and they wake up tangled the next morning, in each other's arms. And it's the best feeling in the world. It is so good, in fact, that Kensi forgets about everything else.

They call in sick that day and, even though that's a dead giveaway for the entire team, nobody says a word and they spend the day between the bed and the kitchen, watching old movies and sharing sweet kisses every now and then. Because, tomorrow, the reality of this will hit them full force. But, for now, nothing matters but what's happening in her bedroom.

They go to work the day after and announce they're dating. No one bats an eye because, at this point, everyone knows. They've known for longer than Deeks and Kensi.

The words "not cancer" and "autoimmune disease" leave the doctor's mouth the next time she goes to an appointment. Deeks is by her side this time, making her feel like there's nothing she can't fight against.

She lets out a sigh of relief but Deeks doesn't because he reads the doctor's facial expression. He has the feeling those are not necessarily good news.

The older man tells them the implications of this diagnosis.

She will have to come back for an appointment every six months.

She will probably have to take those pills for the rest of her life.

The nodules might grow and more can appear.

Surgery might be required.

She might start experiencing symptoms.

She might find it hard to get pregnant or to maintain a pregnancy. And that downright ruins the mood.

Kensi has never been one of those women who dream about a future with a husband, kids and a white picket fence. But now she has Deeks. He's not her husband but he could be. She envisions a future where he could very well become her husband. And he wants a house full of kids, that she is sure of. Kids that she might never be able to give him.

She doesn't hear a word the doctor tells her after that. And she stays in silence until they get home. Deeks doesn't push her, knowing that this hit her hard.

And he doesn't stay that night because, for some reason, he knows she wants to be alone and he loves her enough to give her that. Yes, he loves her. And he tells her just that before he leaves but she doesn't say it back. After the day she had and the news she heard, he can't really blame her.

Kensi spends two hours researching her condition online, that night. There are horrible stories of women who can't get pregnant and women who keep getting pregnant and losing the babies. That's enough to make her turn off the computer and go to bed.

She's a woman. Her biggest purpose in the world, the thing she was mad to do, is the one thing she might never be able to do. She might never have a baby. And she's sure she could live with that if it weren't for Deeks, the man who loves her and wants a house full of kids. He's not going to stay by her side, not when he knows she won't be able to do that for him.

He might stay now. He might love her now. He won't stay of months go by and she doesn't get pregnant. He won't keep loving her if she miscarriages two, three, maybe even four times. He will leave. He will stop loving her.

Those thoughts keep her from sleeping that night and she ends up calling in sick the day after. She doesn't want to see anyone, anyway.

**AN: You guys are amazing! I can't say I'm fully back but I decided to publish this story. It will be a four-chapter story and don't worry because it won't be too dark. I'm still very busy with school and everything else going on but I missed you all so I needed to do this. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and I will post the next one as soon as I can. Reviews are awesome and the ones from the first chapter made me smile like crazy. I'll see you all soon.  
Love,  
Sarah**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: You can now follow me on Twitter ( at SarahSmith6969 ) to find out how long the chapters will take to come out. I will also be posting some ideas there, things I'm working on. Follow me if you want to. Now, here's your chapter. We're nearing the end…**

**Chapter 3**

Two days go by and she doesn't leave the house.

Callen calls her a couple of times and, after numerous attempts, she gives up and finally answers. He asks her what's wrong but she can't find it in her to tell him the truth. So she says she has the flu, which totally backfires. Callen comes over that afternoon, with chicken soup and cold medicine. It's not like she can fake a cold so Callen knows she lied to him. He also knows her well enough to know when not to push the truth out of her, though. That's why he leaves her alone.

Sam calls too but understands right away she doesn't want to talk about whatever's going on with her. He doesn't try anything else and Kensi has the suspicion that Deeks told him something.

Deeks doesn't call.

Deeks doesn't drop by.

Deeks is invisible for three whole days.

And it's fine, really, because she is sure she needs to learn how to live without him. There's no way he'll stay by her side, knowing she will probably never be able to give him the kids he wants so much.

It's a shame, really, because they would make really cute kids. Granted, they would be stubborn and hard to handle, but in the end, Kensi is sure they would be great kids. And that thought is enough to send her into another crying session.

This time, however, the session is interrupted by a knock on her door. She gets up from the couch, slowly and carefully, almost as if afraid to see who's on the other side of the door. With good reason, she thinks as soon as she reaches the door. Deeks is on the other side of it.

Kensi doesn't open the door. She can't. She turns her back to the door and slides to the floor, tears running down her cheeks. She doesn't know how he managed to sense this but, when his voice breaks the silence, she can tell he's also sitting on the other side of the door.

His voice is almost a whisper, as if afraid to scare her off, but she hears him. "You don't have to talk. Just see this."

He slides papers under her door and she picks them up, eyes filled with tears because he sounds so sweet and caring that she can't imagine not having this.

Kensi picks up the three papers and can't help the small smile that reaches her lips when she reads their titles.

_Adoption_

_Surrogacy_

_Living happy with you_

She gets up and opens the door, not caring about the fact she probably looks like crap. He doesn't seem to mind, either, and looks into her eyes.

"I don't care, Kensi. I don't care if we adopt, if we ask someone to be our surrogate or if we never have kids. All I care about is that I love you and that I want to be with you. We can have a house full of pets, for all I care. I just want to be with you, princess. We'll figure everything else later on."

And Kensi jumps into his arms, because there's not much she can do at that moment.

Deeks carries her to the living room, closing the door behind him. He sits on the couch with Kensi still in his arms, and feels better than he's felt the past few days.

He tried giving her space. He tried to send someone else to check on her. He even tried calling her mother but the woman was on a cruise and couldn't do anything to help.

But he knows now that sending Callen or Sam to check on her was never a good idea. He's what she needs right now.

And, once she calms down, Kensi looks at him and tells him just that. In fact, she tells him everything she's been keeping to herself. Her walls are completely down and she's fine with it.

She says she needs him by her side, now more than ever.

She says she wants to be with him because she can no longer imagine a future without him in it.

She states with a lot of determination that they will figure everything out.

And, in the end, she looks him in the eye and tells him she loves him more than anything else in her life. "I even love you more than chocolate!"

Deeks laughs, happiness taking over them. They know that, as long as they're together, everything will be just fine and they will figure out how to overcome all those troubles.

Yep, they will be fine.

**AN: I know this was a short chapter but we only have the Epilogue left so stay tuned for that because it will be longer. I will try to update until the end of this week but I'm not going to make any promises because finals are here and I need to study. **

**Don't forget to follow me on Twitter ( SarahSmith6969 )! I will keep you guys updated through twitter.**

**Love,**

**Sarah**


	4. Chapter 4

**Epilogue**

They get married a few months later.

The proposal is no big deal, it's even a bit lame. But it's them and it's just perfect.

He proposes after she ends up in the hospital, a stab wound on her abdomen. If Kensi Bly was any other woman, she would have refused, claiming he was only doing it because she could have died.

But Kensi knew he was doing it out of love, not out of dread, so a yes came tumbling from her weak lips without a second thought.

Their wedding is simple. She's wearing a light blue dress, just because it's his favorite color, and he wears black pants and a white shirt. It's not formal, because they both hate formal.

Callen and Sam are there.

Nell and Eric are there.

Hetty is there.

Monty is there.

They need no one else by their side.

Kensi calls her mother after it's done and tells her. The woman was out of her live for so long that it didn0t feel right to invite her to such an intimate event, even if they are starting to get along again.

Deeks sends Ray a text from a secure number to let him know it finally happened, years after the man predicted it.

Kensi stops taking the pill the week after.

Her hopes are not very high but he doesn't let her think about it. He says that whatever is meant to be, will eventually happen.

So they don't think about it.

But, after six months of unprotected sex, it's impossible not to think about it.

Deeks suggests they both get tested but she doesn't want to. She doesn't want a doctor telling her she can't have kids. And, by now, she's sure she can't have them.

It's hard to accept that fact but, after two months, Kensi states she wants to adopt a kid. She wants to raise someone. She wants to share their love with a little person.

Deeks accepts, without batting an eye, and they start doing everything they need to do to make it happen.

Kensi decides, right away, that she doesn't want a baby. Deep down, she hasn't given up hope on carrying a tiny baby inside of her so for now it feels weird to have a baby in her arms.

They find a kid, three months later, and it's love at first sight, as weird as that might sound.

Little Matthew is four years old and has the brightest set of green eyes they have ever seen. The woman taking care of the kids explains that he was abandoned a year ago but Kensi stops listening almost immediately.

The kid walks in her direction and wraps his tiny arms around her leg. Deeks gets down on his knees, ruffles the boy's hair and offers him a smile. The boy lets go of her leg and wraps his arms around Deeks' neck.

And it's done. They both know it then.

The adoption is a long process but, fortunately, Hetty has friends in the right places that help things go a lot smoother.

They buy a house two weeks before the adoption process is final and they can officially call Andrew their son.

When they take him home, the only furniture they have is a couch, a TV, two beds and a fridge. They tell him this is their new home and they want him to help them choose all the furniture.

Andrew is a bit shy but his face lightens up, as if he finally feels like a part of something. So, during the following week, they buy all the furniture they need for the house, always with Andrew's opinion.

Deeks goes to work after a week but Kensi still has a few days off and takes advantage of that. Andrew is still a bit shy so she doesn't want to drop him off at daycare just yet.

They decide to paint Andrew's room in a light green, his favorite color. And, when Deeks comes home that day, he hears Kensi and Andrew laughing and talking in Andy's room. He goes in and sees them both on the floor, Kensi has a small green hand painted on her forehead and Andrew has a small green dot on the tip of his nose.

The small child has his head resting on her chest and Deeks melts with the sight. He sends them both to clean up and orders them all pizza for dinner.

That night, Andrew falls asleep on the couch, nestled between his parents. And everything's finally falling into place.

Kensi goes back to work two weeks later and, by then, Andy is already at ease with them.

The day the boy turns 6 years old, Kensi feels like she has no energy.

Given her disease, this is nothing new. However, this time, it does feel sort of new.

She takes a pregnancy test, three days later. Kensi is sitting on their bathroom floor when Deeks walks in. He has no idea of what's going on but Andrew is watching his cartoons and Kensi is scarily still.

He sits by her side, asks what's wrong.

"I don't know if there's anything wrong. There might be something…right."

Deeks is confused but one look at her face and he knows what's happening. "How long has it been since you've done it?"

Kensi looks at her watch. "About ten minutes but I'm not brave enough to look…"

So he does it for her.

Seven months later, they welcome little Rachel Deeks into the world. Andrew holds his baby sister's hand as if she's the most precious thing he has in the world and Deeks knows he won't have to worry about his little girl. She has a big brother who will be by her side through everything.

The kids grow up and time goes by.

They're a family and all the trouble they went through on the beginning of their relationship is long forgotten.

Andrew is 12 when she needs surgery to remove her thyroid and she doesn't know who is the most terrified person in the room, the night before.

Deeks tries not to show it, holding up strong and only holding her tighter than usual.

Rachel is six and, even though she doesn't fully understand what's going on, she understands something's going on and she's scared.

Andrew doesn't say a word, trying to be a strong boy for his sister's benefit, but Kensi knows he's scared too.

About 15 years later, at Andrew's wedding, they laugh and dance, knowing they can handle anything life throws their way.

They've already dealt with the hard part years ago.

**AN: Sorry, I know it took me a very long time to update and that you guys must hate me. I also know this chapter is not one of my best works but I was in the middle of writing this story when my own health issue took an interesting turn and I was left not knowing how to end this. As usual, I'm not going to say more than that but I will answer to your PM's and you can always use tweeter to contact me.**

**Again, I'm deeply sorry. But at least it's finished and has a happy ending, right? Let me know what you think…  
**

**Love,  
Sarah**


End file.
